10 Signs It May Be Time To End Your Relationship – Glam
Few things feel as good as coming home to the person you love after a crappy day. You can share everything with them: They’ve seen you at your best and worst, and they know exactly how to cheer you up and make you feel special. They just get you, and everything is perfect — until it isn’t.
You know the feeling — that sinking sensation in the pit of your stomach when you realize that a relationship might not be heading in the direction you originally anticipated. No relationship can evade the ups and downs of life. In fact, it’s part of what makes it stronger. But while arguments and disagreements are part of a healthy relationship, you might want to reevaluate things if you and your partner are constantly at each other’s throats. According to Brides, the first sign that there is trouble in paradise usually manifests as doubt and a feeling that you and your partner simply don’t have that special connection anymore — or, worse, feeling like you can no longer trust them.
If you find yourself questioning your relationship with your partner, it’s time to figure out why. Taking a step back and analyzing the problems you’re facing might help you decide whether it’s something you guys can work through, or if it’s time to call it quits. We get it: figuring out whether it’s time for a breakup can be painful and complicated, there are always signs that point in this direction. You just have to recognize them.
Fighting with your significant other isn’t exactly fun, and while arguments have their place in healthy relationships, constantly fighting without ceasing is not normal, psychologist Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., tells Brides. If every single conversation you have with your partner takes a negative turn and inevitably ends in a shouting match, it’s a sign that the relationship might have run its course, dating expert James Preece tells the Independent. “Anger and negativity are a sign of deep-rooted issues between you and your partner, and it can mean that things will eventually become very damaging,” he warns, adding that it’s best to end the relationship before things get worse. You’ll spare yourself plenty of future heartache in doing so.
Psychotherapist Megan Bruneau, M.A., and psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P., tell MindBodyGreen that constant fights are usually a sign that you and your partner are no longer a great fit for each other. More often than not, these arguments are an effect of underlying issues you haven’t addressed, one of which might be that both of you have evolved into different people than when you first met and no longer have anything in common.
Bonior says that not fighting at all can also be a sign of trouble. “Some couples become so exhausted by fighting that they simply stop … They often stop sharing things with each other altogether, and have zero ability to bring up any sort of disagreement,” Bonior explains (via Brides). While that totally sucks, it’s best to call it quits.
Sharing an emotional connection is what gives relationships that special spark, so finding that you no longer connect with your partner on an emotional level can be painful to admit.
A healthy relationship requires both parties to be emotionally invested, and if the two of you find it increasingly challenging to communicate and no longer share inside jokes and silly banter like you used to, it might be a sign that your connection is diminishing, licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White tells Brides. If you notice that you no longer want to share things with your partner or dance around the truth instead of saying what’s on your mind, you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you’re behaving that way, Degges-White says. It could be that the special connection you used to have with your partner has fizzled out.
Psychologist Kathleen Isaac, Ph.D., tells Essence that sometimes it’s natural for couples to drift apart. People don’t stay the same, and if the relationship doesn’t evolve with you, that emotional disconnect can start to settle in. She adds that a successful, healthy relationship heavily depends on constant, healthy communication, and if you find yourself withholding things from your partner, either because you don’t feel like sharing it with them or because they tend to be condescending when you do, it’s time to call it quits and find greener pastures.
Physical intimacy is a big part of a healthy relationship, and if you simply don’t ever feel like having sex with your partner, or, worse, feel repulsed by the very idea, something is definitely off and you need to reassess your relationship. “If you can no longer take any pleasure in even a memory of sexual satisfaction with your partner, something is definitely amiss,” Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., tells Cosmopolitan. In an article Degges-White wrote for Psychology Today, she explains that feeling uncomfortable or even mildly disgusted when you imagine your partner being near you or touching you intimately means that the relationship might be on its way out.
Perhaps you’re not necessarily put off by your partner, but you simply don’t feel like having sex with them. What does that mean for your relationship? Babita Spinelli tells MindBodyGreen that it’s normal for couples to experience sexual dry spells, but if neither of you has any interest in discussing it or working towards a solution, it might simply mean that you don’t desire that physical connection any longer and can’t meet each other’s needs for intimacy and pleasure. However, if you find that you still enjoy cuddling with your partner on the couch and turn to them when you need comfort, a lack of libido might be to blame, Mariana Bockarova, Ph.D., tells Cosmopolitan.
While it’s totally healthy for people in a relationship to have unique goals and visions of the future, being on completely different pages about what you want out of life can prove problematic. Being with someone whose values and lifestyle greatly differ from yours usually doesn’t end well, dating psychologist and coach Madeleine Mason Roantree tells the Independent. If you realize that you and your partner want very different things, you’ll have to evaluate whether you’re willing to make some sacrifices and whether they’d be willing to do the same for you in the future.
“Examples of big differences include having contrasting views on wanting children, living close to family versus living afar, and having a ‘rootless’ lifestyle moving every four years versus having a predictable stable home environment,” Mason Roantree explains. Not wanting the exact same thing as your partner isn’t necessarily a dealbreaker; you’re allowed to have different interests and hobbies, but if you disagree on fundamental things like having kids, it might be a sign that you’re not meant to be.
Furthermore, Rhoberta Shaler, Ph.D., tells Women’s Health that it’s easy to lose sight of the dreams you once had for your life when your partner doesn’t share your ideals. She suggests you both make a list of five things you value most. “If you don’t share at least three of them, you’re going to have a problem because you don’t have the same approach to life,” she warns.
If you find that you’re constantly daydreaming about someone who isn’t your partner, there might be trouble in paradise. Sure, you’re not actually having an affair, but you are constantly thinking about it. Usually, that’s enough to indicate that you’ve fallen out of love, relationship therapist Jaime Bronstein tells Woman’s Day.
While being honest with your partner about these thoughts and feelings can be slightly terrifying, it’s vital you have a serious conversation if you know you don’t feel the same way about them anymore. Mental health counselor Masharat Mujib says that usually, the best route is to end the relationship, adding that staying with your partner when you’re no longer in love with them isn’t healthy for either of you (via Woman’s Day).
As for acting on those daydreams and eventually cheating on your partner, Bronstein says that that’s definitely not the best route to go since cheating is incredibly hurtful. The bright point, however, is that this usually helps you to reassess your relationship: You might very well realize that the person you are with really is your soulmate, or you’ll find confirmation that you need to end things. The downside is that, should it be the former, you likely damaged your partner’s trust beyond repair, so ending things, as Mujib suggests, would be preferable. At least then you can make up when you realize you made a mistake. Cheating will make the possibility of a reunion less likely.
If you’d rather spend the night binging series with your friends in your pajamas than go out with your partner on a romantic date, something might be amiss.
Putting most of your energy into your inner circle and leaving your partner out in the cold means that you’re likely no longer invested in the relationship, Rhonda Milrad tells Best Life. The same applies if you find yourself spending more time with your kids than your significant other. This usually happens when you know the relationship is in trouble but don’t want to face it, so you’re unconsciously looking for a way out, psychotherapist Rose Lawrence cautions. Another telltale sign of trouble is when you call your friends when something exciting or upsetting happens in your life instead of reaching out to your partner first, says dating and relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca.
Spending extra time at work to avoid going home is another red flag, psychotherapist Denise Limongello warns. “If you and your partner live together, and yet, you find yourself looking for excuses to stay out, you may be avoiding the fact that your relationship is in jeopardy,” she says, adding that it’s best to be honest with yourself about this kind of behavior and figure out why you’re avoiding going home to your partner. Usually, it’s because you’re in denial about the state of your relationship.
New relationships are often accompanied by excitement and the desire to be in each other’s company as much as possible. It’s normal for that initial passion to cool a little, but if you notice that you’re no longer a priority to your partner and that they spend more time with their friends than with you, it’s important to start asking questions, dating expert James Preece tells the Independent. If they give you lame excuses for why they can’t spend time with you, the relationship probably isn’t healthy anymore.
Preece says that it’s best to end things and find someone who makes you feel loved. After all, you deserve it. CEO and founder of Blush Online Life Coaching Kali Rogers agrees with Preece. In an article she wrote for HuffPost, Rogers urged readers not to stay in relationships where they no longer feel special or loved. “It’s hard convincing ourselves of our worth — we don’t need the duty of convincing our partner, too,” she wrote.
Registered psychotherapist Parisa Ghanbari tells Cosmopolitan that there’s a fine line between having a partner who is going through a busy season in life and a partner who doesn’t want to make time for you. It’s important to know the difference. “If your partner is consistently inattentive and neglectful of your needs and wants, despite your best efforts in communicating your needs to them, then it’s fair to say your partner is not valuing you and the relationship,” she warns.
Does imagining a future with your partner make you feel anxious and stressed? We hate to break it to you, but this is a sure sign that they’re not the one. But you probably already knew that.
This is a typical “it’s not you, it’s me” situation, and while breaking up sucks, it’s not right to stay in a relationship with someone you can’t picture doing life with a couple of years from now. It’s not fair to you and it’s definitely not fair to them. “Holding this person without any intent for future plans limits not only them from finding their ‘happily ever after’ but also you,” licensed therapist Markesha Miller tells Cosmopolitan. If you find that you and your partner no longer talk about your future together, the relationship is likely coming to an end, sex and relationship counselor Carmel Jones tells Best Life.
Of course, we all go through phases where we have no idea what we’re doing with our lives and can’t even picture next week properly. Miller says times like these are perfect to do some soul searching and get to know yourself. From there, figure out what it is you want from life. Then ask yourself if you see yourself doing those things with your partner a year from now. If not, it’s probably better to break up now so you can be open to new relationships in the future.
We’re all well aware that there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, but constantly feeling unhappy is a clear sign that something is wrong. Spoiler alert: It might be time to end things.
In an article that Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., wrote for Psychology Today, she explains that it’s important to share humorous moments with your other half. It’s a great way to keep the connection alive and can bring you closer. If you and your partner used to share a wicked sense of humor and regularly drove each other into uncontrollable fits of laughter but now barely share a chuckle, you’re likely no longer as happy as you used to be, and it’s time to figure out why. Usually, there’s an underlying problem that needs to be addressed.
James Preece tells the Independent that relationships should be fun. If your partner’s unique quirks and habits start to become unappealing to you and you notice that you’re just “going through the motions” as a couple, it’s either a sign that you need to shake things up a bit or that you’re no longer a good fit for each other. “Relationships should feel comfortable, but also exciting. You should feel happy about spending time with your partner,” Preece says, adding that, if nothing you do seems to be able to reignite that spark you used to have, it’s best to end things before the relationship turns sour.
Healthy relationships are built on trust, and if you and your partner no longer have that, you’re in trouble. Trust issues are often a result of infidelity or lying, and if your partner is guilty of one or both, it can be incredibly hard to rebuild the relationship, but it’s not impossible, Babita Spinelli tells MindBodyGreen. If you’re both willing to put in the hard work to repair the relationship, you might be able to slowly rebuild the trust you once used to have. However, if you can’t bring yourself to forgive your significant other for their indiscretion, whatever it may be, rebuilding trust will be nearly impossible, Spinelli says.
“If it is truly able to be built back up, both partners need to be committed not only to the repairing process but to fixing the root of the problems that led to the breakdown of trust in the first place,” Andrea Bonior explains in an article for Psychology Today. If you find that you constantly need to reassure yourself of your partner’s trustworthiness by checking their phone behind their back or find yourself constantly worrying about whether or not they are telling you the truth, the relationship is as good as over, according to Healthline.
That constant, nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach can be emotionally draining, not to mention that worrying about your partner’s faithfulness all the time can take its toll on your mental health.