We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to. 
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Posted August 24, 2022 Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
Do you ever feel like your relationship has turned into just being roommates—sharing space and responsibility without much connection? This happens to a lot of couples when life gets busy and their connection has fallen to the back burner. You may not be experiencing a lot of conflict, but the spark just isn’t there. The relationship can start to feel like a routine—something else to check off of the to-do list.
Is feeling like roommates a concern for your relationship’s future? It does seem less damaging than constant fighting, affairs, or poor communication. According to John Gottman’s research, loss of connection can be a big concern in relationships. In his evidenced-based approach, having a strong connection and friendship foundation is important for relationships to thrive. Having fun and feeling close to your partner is a big part of the relationship and how happy couples rate it.
Emotionally Focused Couple’s therapy is another evidence-based therapy that focuses on attachment in the relationship. Research has also shown that having a strong connection emotionally is important for healthy relationships. It finds that having a secure attachment is shaped by how the couple is emotionally founded. This is shaped by expression and responsiveness.
Is it possible to get out of feeling like roommates? Absolutely. You can do a lot to rebuild connection and romance in your relationship. Think back to the beginning when you first got together and the things you did to make you feel connected. Keeping the romance alive does take work and effort and is important to prioritize.
Consider some of these ideas to bring the romance back:
How much time do you need to invest in connecting each week? It doesn’t take much; just a few minutes a day and a date each week could total up to just two hours. You can spend as much time as you’d like, but the important part is to make sure you spend some time each day connecting with each other.
Kari Rusnak, MA, LPC, is a licensed couples counselor with a multistate telehealth practice.
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We all harbor secrets. Some are big and bad; some are small and trivial. Researchers have parsed which truths to tell and which not to.
