April 1, 2023

Do you often wonder why your marriage is not looking as blissful as you would like it to be? Or look for a quick fix that can make things fall into place? According to Carol Bruess, a marriage researcher, couples who use nicknames and personal terms of endearment have happier marriages. Carol still gets asked to find quick fixes for relationships. She shared the lessons she has learned after more than two decades of research and marriage.
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“My marriage is a petri dish. The secret of happy relationships is sort of hiding in plain sight. There is no shortcut. There are no perfect relationships, even for us experts. We have a happy, thriving marriage and yet the reality of our relationship, like all relationships, is that they’re messy,” she said.
According to her, we have all experienced conflict and anxiety of not just romantic relationships or marriage, but a friendship gone bad. Speaking hypothetically, of course, we inherently know that relationships are central to our identities and our well-being. “So we are on the hunt for the insider’s guide. And this collective desire to know has produced an incredibly-profitable industry of books and products looking to make our relationships neater, cleaner, more joyful as fast as possible,” she added.
“When your relationship feels like it is one big old disaster when the simultaneous pulls of your partner wanting to reveal and conceal more. More autonomy and more connection, more novelty, and more predictability. When the zigzag of your relationship feels like it’s one big old mess, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing anything wrong. I mean, you might be, but more likely your relationship is perfectly imperfect as it should be,” said Carol.
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