One of the toughest parts of being in a toxic relationship is gathering the strength to leave. Like any relationship, it becomes a habit after a while. So, choosing one’s own happiness and acknowledging the fact that walking out is the right thing to do, is tough.
If you’re struggling with convincing yourself to end such a relationship, here are some things to tell yourself when you have doubts.
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Credit: Red Chillies Entertainment, Eternal Sunshine Productions, Netflix
Blaming yourself for the way someone else treats you is counterproductive. If an abusive partner criticises your cooking, calls you unattractive or gets angry at you for not acting the way they want you to, you don’t deserve to be criticised or abused. It doesn’t mean your cooking is bad or that you’re not beautiful. It doesn’t mean you need to change yourself to be worthy of love.
You deserve better than that, and anyone who thinks otherwise and tells you that the toxicity is your fault, needs to be dumped along with the toxic partner who behaves this way.
Credit: Red Chillies Entertainment, Eternal Sunshine Productions, Netflix
Toxic relationships don’t always start out that way. Many times, things are good in the beginning. If your partner is lying, cheating, abusing you, or is mean to you, don’t fixate on the good times in the past and use those memories to block out what’s going on in the present.
Face the fact that they’ve changed. The good things they’ve done in the past are no reason to ignore the negativity they are bringing into your life today. Yes, he bought you roses and held your hand when your grandma died. That doesn’t change the fact that he is abusive towards you.
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“He had a bad day at work”, “He’s going through a lot with his family”, “He had a fight with his friend”: How many times have we heard people make such excuses for someone’s bad behaviour? It’s one thing to be moody or sad because of personal problems, and another to consistently take it out on a partner. An adult should understand that their partner is not their punching bag, and love their partner enough to shield them from the pain they themselves are going through.
Don’t defend a toxic partner in front of others, or even in your own head, by telling yourself or them, “He didn’t mean it.” Don’t look at the situation with rose-coloured glasses, and acknowledge the truth of the matter.
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When you have been very close to someone, and are used to being around them all the time, it’s hard to let go and picture life without them. Day-to-day struggles feel insurmountable without them. But you should know that you will survive, especially because you also won’t have the day-to-day struggles that were caused by being in a relationship with someone toxic.
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The hardest part about leaving a toxic relationship is our belief that everyone will judge us. This is worse when you’ve been together for a while, or are married, and everyone knows about you. There’s a fear of disappointing everyone.
Remind yourself that you are the one suffering in this relationship, not them. People who truly love you and care about you will be happy for you if you walked out of such a situation. The people who should really matter in your life, will not judge or criticise you. They will support you. Those who don’t, don’t matter.
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Society places way too much importance on being in a relationship. The truth is that it’s better to be single than to feel lonely in a relationship. Being alone can be a liberating, life-affirming experience. You can do whatever you want, go wherever you want, live your life the way you want to. Once you realise that, you’ll no longer be afraid of not having a toxic person around all the time.
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Movies love convincing us that we only fall in love once. Romantic as that idea might be, it’s not accurate. While it’s true that no two loves are the same, there’s no rulebook that says you won’t find a better person or a happier love story down the road. When you’re ready, you will find love again, and it will be very freeing to know that you can love again and again, and that you can get over old lovers again and again, too.
Credit: Red Chillies Entertainment, Eternal Sunshine Productions, Netflix
The most important thing to remember when preparing to leave a toxic relationship is that you need to focus on your career, your circle of friends and family, and your own dreams. It’s time to stop worrying about how your toxic partner feels, or what they want. Be selfish and look out for yourself.
Lead image credit: Red Chillies Entertainment, Eternal Sunshine Productions, Netflix, Benaras Media Works, T-Series, AA Films
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