"I find empowerment in my truth and in my reality and the way I have formulated my life to be.”
Before Nick Cannon announced that he now has a ninth addition to his family after welcoming a child with photographer LaNisha Cole, Abby De La Rosa opened up about her relationship dynamic with the comedian. The international DJ stopped by the Lovers and Friends podcast with Shan Boodram and spoke about their non-traditional family. Abby shares one-year-old twins Zion and Zillion with the actor and is currently pregnant with their third child together.
Nick also has a baby on the way with Brittany Bell, who he shares two kids with. In total, the Wild’n’ Out creator has nine children with six different women. Of the nine, one of his children, a son with model Alyssa Scott, unfortunately, passed away from a brain tumor at just five months old.
Nick, especially his kids’ mothers, have faced public scrutiny for their lifestyle choices, which Abby spoke to in the interview.
“Naturally, yes I could understand everyone’s distaste and disagreeance in the way that I have chosen to live my life,” she said. ”And I find it funny too when everyone’s always coming in and being like he’s playing you. Technically speaking we all know about each other.
“It’s just how much are you choosing to know and I find empowerment in my truth and in my reality and the way I have formulated my life to be.”
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Prior to meeting Nick, Abby said that she was in a five-year monogamous relationship but was miserable. However, when she met Nick, he had a freeing spirit which made her feel free within herself. She was aware of his polyamorous lifestyle and also wasn’t looking for a commitment but decided to continue exploring their connection. These days Abby considers Nick to be her primary partner and is monogamous during her pregnancy with her third and his 10th child.
When she found out she was pregnant the first time, Nick currently had four other children but she saw her pregnancy as a blessing since she was told that she couldn’t have kids after having sepsis. Her first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage but Nick wanted to try again and they found out they were having twins.
While she was aware of what she was getting herself into, she wasn’t ready for the backlash it would cause. Abby said she “shut down” and “didn’t know how to maneuver through it.” She admitted that Nick’s “positive” attitude in response to the criticism didn’t help her get through it and so she relied on her family, especially her sister for support.
Abby comes from a two-parent household and said that her parents are still married and at the end of the day her family just wants her to be happy. As far as what people think about her nontraditional way of living, she had this to say.
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“I know people are like, how do you find trust in an open relationship?” she asked. “It’s real easy, it’s real easy. You just have to understand to get out of the same old mundane thinking of monogamy and that I have to own a person and be with a person 24/7 and this and find beauty within yourself and the connection that you build with somebody. And I trust the connection that I have with Nick.”
While she’s happy with her lifestyle right now, she believes she will end up in a monogamous relationship in the future.
“I think I see monogamy down the line and this won’t get me there,” she said. “But I love where I’m at at this very moment but it’s not my forever.”
She concluded the interview by addressing those attacking her parenting.
“Me being open in my relationship does not change or take away from the type of mother that I am to my kids and the wholeness that I am to them and the strength that I share with them,” she said.
She added, “And I would just want people to stay the f–k away from my motherhood.”
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The old saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” is something that Angela Simmons can attest to. Since stepping into the spotlight as a teenager alongside her family on the reality TV series Run’s House, the mother of one has often been met with criticism. For most of her adult years, Angela said she struggled with her weight and has often received negative comments about her body. However, she began chewing up the negativity and spitting out body positivity through her social media platforms.
But it wasn’t easy. Angela stopped by the Tamron Hall Show and discussed people criticizing her body and how she’s been able to maneuver through the noise.
“When I was 10 years old, I remember being young and having journals and writing how I felt about myself and I used to think I was fat,” she explained. “I would look at the journal and I would have a stick figure, what I want to look like and what I thought I looked like.”
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When she turned 19, she moved out to L.A. and began extreme dieting which resulted in her losing a massive amount of weight. But now that she’s older, she has learned to manage her weight in a healthy way. But she was still a target of negative comments.
Most recently, photos from a runway show where she wore a swimsuit went viral and in response to the criticism, the model praised her “raw and unedited” body.
Taking the high road could be stemmed from a conversation she had with her father Rev Run, from the legendary rap group Run DMC, after she was body-shamed years ago due to photos from a beach day appearing on the internet.
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“I remember having this moment. At the time it was online, everything was online and there was a photo of me,” she recalled. “And it was a really bad angle. And there was like cellulite and I was really down.”
Angela called her dad and told him what was going on and he gave her a piece of advice that she kept with her. “He was like ‘look, you really think that it matters. There is probably like 100,000 people on this site and there’s a whole world.’”
“I was like, you know what? Who cares what those people think. I am going to stand in my truth and be who I am and after that day, I never went back. I don’t care about that.”
And when it comes to social media comments, she either blocks the people leaving negative comments or she doesn’t look. Angela continues to champion bodies through her Built Not Bought campaign and most recently, she launched a vegan funnel cake business.
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Dr. Tracy Timberlake and Vivian Olodun are living proof that when women join forces, major boss moves are afoot. Olodun, a serial entrepreneur, luxury real estate-industry vet and author, teamed up with Timberlake, an entrepreneur and strategist in her own right, to co-found Flourish Media Co., a boutique marketing firm, and the Flourish Media Conference, an event held annually in Miami, offering resources including investor matching for women entrepreneurs.
They have reportedly forged the path for raising $15 million for women-led businesses, a feat sparked by simple conversation and action.
Courtesy of Vivian Olodun
“We believe greatly that being able to have access to money and funds gives you freedom and flexibility and it’s something that we believe that people who look like us don’t necessarily have that luxury. It’s unfortunate because it is available to them,” Olodun says. “We believe in supporting women in business because investing in women helps communities, helps homes, helps children, and helps move and drive things forward.”
Timberlake echoes those sentiments. “When I was doing my study for my dissertation, which was primarily focused on women in business—online businesses in particular—and just looking at just the statistics and the economic benefit of having women-owned businesses succeed, economically for this country, it has been documented over and over again.”
Photo courtesy of Dr. Tracy Timberlake
The women have a passion for not only helping other women entrepreneurs succeed but promoting the power of finding your tribe, expanding connections, and opening doors for access to funding and resources needed to succeed.
“When a woman gets access to money, she tends to allow for more flexibility in the people she hires and to take into consideration the mental health and the overall well-being of her employees,” Olodun adds. “She tends to invest in other women and people who look just like her. We all know that there’s a significant gap in wages and earnings between men and women in our society and when women are supported, they tend to take steps to correct that. Again, women are just a smart investment.”
This is where true networking comes in. Both Olodun and Timberlake have been able to not only be an asset but build and keep solid relationships with investors and business advancement advocates who want to literally put money where growth and lucrative progress is evident.
“We make it our business to [put] ourselves in a money conversation, and that makes it possible to introduce people to those who need the funding,” Oloduon says.
“We have had lots of different kinds of businesses pitch to investors, from a wellness facility to a candle company, so it goes to every industry and every discipline. One of the most interesting parts of having these investors—personally Vivian and I had separate businesses and then came together to start Flourish Media–one of the investors actually invested in my business.
"Most people wouldn’t think that. I went through the entire process with the investors—-showing them the books, showing them the numbers, and what has happened is that it allows for us to have a better conversation with businesses coming to pitch.”
Be deliberate and take bold action in going for investment opportunities. “Don’t reinvent the wheel. Put dubs on that baby. Make it better. Open those conversations and put yourselves in rooms where you can connect with those people who are senior to you so you can learn from what they’ve done. Then do it better.”
Take steps to legitimize your business. “[Investors] are looking for you to have things like a team. We think that being a solopreneur or being able to bootstrap ourselves is some kind of badge of authority or that’s somehow attractive,” Olodun says.
“Being able to have the appropriate legal documents is very attractive. Go to your local authority and make sure your business is registered legally. Make sure you have a business bank account. These are basic things that give you a leg up when you’re talking to investors.”
Network across but balance those efforts by also networking upward. “While there’s value to comradery and people who are your peers, finding a room of people more successful than you is valuable,” Timberlake adds.
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Featured image via Flourish Media Co.
Summer is over, which not only means the beginning of pumpkin spice season but also the start of Fall TV season. For the Fall 2022 lineup, viewers can enjoy the return of beloved sitcoms, the final season of a family drama, the arrival of a criminal romance, and a sexy drug- filled hour starring one of music’s biggest superstars. xoNecole has compiled a list of the shows you should be tuned into or risk missing out on what everyone will be raving about in the coming months.
Abbott Elementary still
ABC
School is back in session in the second season of ABC’s hit comedy Abbott Elementary. With a return of the faculty starring the stellar ensemble cast Sheryl Lee Ralph, Janelle James, Lisa Ann Walter, Chris Perfetti, Tyler James Williams, and creator Quinta Brunson, fans of the show can be guaranteed endless laughter, slow burning romance, and sweetness.
Premiere: September 22
Queen Sugar Season 7
OWN
OWN’s multigenerational family drama Queen Sugar is back for its seventh and final season. For years, viewers have been welcomed into the lives of the Bordelon family as they’ve dealt with the blood, sweat, and many many tears of taking care of their late father’s farm. The show’s creator Ava Duvernay said of the series end, “Now I feel strongly that the story, which began as a sunrise of a suggestion from Oprah, is ready for its sunset as a dream fully realized. Queen Sugar has been one of the true joys of my career, and my gratitude is buoyant and boundless.”
Premiere date: September 6
Reasonable Doubt
Hulu
In this new Hulu series from Kerry Washington’s production company Simpson Street and one of the co-creators of Insecure, Emayatzy Corinealdi plays a sexy criminal defense attorney whose professional success continues to threaten her unraveling marriage and personal life.
Premiere date: September 27
Zoe Saldana in the From Scratch Trailer
Netflix
For fans of films like Eat, Pray, Love or Under the Tuscan Sun, Netflix's new limited series From Scratch will certainly pique your interest. Starring Zoe Saldana in the adaptation of the memoir of the same name, From Scratch follows the story of Tembi Locke as she falls in love with a Sicillian man despite his disapproving family. A story about love, sorrow, and culture clash, the series will make you swoon and cry in equal measures.
Premiere date: October 21
The Weeknd in The Idol
HBO
What do you get when you mix superstar artist The Weeknd and the creator of Zendaya’s hit series Euphoria in a series about the music industry and cults? You get the sexy and drug infused series The Idol. The series stars Lily-Rose Depp as a rising pop star, Da’Vine Joy of High Fidelity and Only Murders in the Building fame and Melanie Liburd from This is Us and Power Book: II. This is one of Fall’s most anticipated new series you definitely won’t want to miss a minute of.
Premiere date: November 2022
I remember my first orgasm like it was yesterday. Similar to how you never forget your first kiss, you always remember your first orgasm. It is cemented in your memory forever. My first orgasm was the most magical thing I’ve ever experienced. I literally saw the heavens open and heard angels singing from up above. Up until that point orgasms were like seeing a good Madea movie, I heard they existed but I ain’t never seen one. I couldn’t quite put my finger on the issue. I was having plenty of sex but the Big O I kept hearing so much about kept bypassing me.
It wasn’t until I learned about my body and what turned me on that I experienced my first orgasm; it was a clitoral orgasm. Penis alone rarely got the job done for me, I always needed some type of clitoral stimulation and according to research, I wasn’t alone. About 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. The clitoris is composed of 8,000 nerve endings, which is about 2,000 more than the tip of the penis, plus it is the only organ in the human body designed purely for pleasure. So, it makes all the sense in the world that most women would need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. It’s how our bodies are designed.
But wait, there’s more! Did you know that in addition to clitoral, there are 11 different types of orgasms that women can experience? You could literally attempt to have a different type of orgasm every day for almost two weeks without repeating one. Some orgasms solely focus on the vagina while others allow you to feel pleasure in ways you never knew existed. Why limit yourself when you can taste all the colors of the orgasmic rainbow?
From clitoral orgasms to nipple orgasms and all the places in between, here are all the kinds of orgasms the female body is capable of.
G-spot orgasms are the most coveted orgasm of them all yet not always the easiest to experience. The G-spot is located about two to three inches inside the vagina and feels a little bit spongy. Pressing this spot gently and stroking it lightly is the best way to stimulate this area. When sexually aroused, the G-spot will fill with blood and swell up with fluid. Touching it in a way that feels good to you with fingers, your partner's penis (or strap), a dildo, or a vibrator can trigger what many women describe as deeply intense, that in most cases trigger squirting.
The Anterior Fornix Orgasm aka “second G-spot” is located above the cervix and is achieved by deep penetration. About four to five inches in the vagina is sensitive tissue near the inner front end of the vaginal tube. This area generally does not become too sensitive after orgasm so it can be continued to be stimulated.
This kind of female orgasm comes from stimulating a small area of sensitive erectile tissue located on either side of the urethral opening. It is in the small area between the urethra and the vagina. This spot can be stimulated with the tongue, fingers, or tip of the penis or dildo.
Did you know that most women can climax if their nipples are stimulated properly? Nipples are major erogenous zones; they're loaded with nerve endings and super-sensitive skin. When the nipples are stimulated, oxytocin is released, which causes the same vaginal contractions associated with orgasm. This brings more blood flow to the genitals and can trigger an orgasm.
I know that most of us have our reservations when it comes to anal sex; but, if done properly, a butt orgasm can be just as powerful as a clitoral one. Because the anus and rectum are so close to the vagina and clitoris—and are connected by a thin stretch of tissue called the perineum—they share many of the same nerves and muscles, including the pelvic floor muscle. The pelvic floor muscle is highly sensitive for many women, and stimulating it can trigger a vaginal orgasm. All that’s needed is a lot of preparation and tons of lube!
A blended orgasm is like ‘the best of both worlds.' It’s a climax that happens when more than one erogenous zone is being stimulated at the same time. G-spot penetration along with clitoral stimulation is one way to experience a blended orgasm, but it could also come from vaginal penetration along with clitoral, nipple, or anal stimulation.
Coregasms are orgasms that are triggered by exercise. It isn’t one of the toe-curling, mind-blowing orgasms you read about in books either. Although this is something I’ve never experienced, a study from Indiana University found that 370 of 530 women surveyed had experienced orgasm or sexual pleasure while working out, usually from core-based exercises.
The sheer power of the brain means that anyone can orgasm while they sleep. Orgasms happen in the brain, and the brain is quite active at night. In your sleep, your mind can freely explore your sexual fantasies without feeling rushed or judged. This can turn you on so much that you can end up having an orgasm without even touching yourself.
Also known as a “c-spot orgasm” involves nerve endings located in the cervix and around the uterus. Cervical orgasms are best achieved during deep vaginal penetration such as doggy-style. Cervical orgasms have been reported as very intense, full-body orgasms that begin in the cervix and spread through the entire abdomen or even the whole body.
According to the Kama Sutra, passionate kissing can spark an orgasm for both men and women. It states that a woman’s mouth mirrors her genitals, with the lips like the labia, the cupid’s bow like the clitoris, and the roof of the mouth like the G-spot. Our lips are also full of nerve endings, similar to the nipples and the clitoris. The roof of the mouth is said to be one of the most neglected erogenous zones, so by gently rubbing and flicking it with your tongue, it has the potential to stimulate an orgasm.
Not to be confused with blended orgasms, multiple orgasms are orgasms that happen one right after the other, with no prolonged stopping in between. These are more common in women and less common in men. Many people find multiple orgasms easier to achieve with a partner because they find it difficult to continue stimulation on their own after one orgasm.
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My mind often returns back to the day of Nipsey Hussle’s funeral when his partner Lauren London took to the stage at his televised service and spoke about their relationship. In one of the many profound moments of her eulogy, it’s when she said “grief is the final act of love,” that stayed with me the most.
I thought about those words a lot in the past week after the death of Queen Elizabeth II at the age of 96 garnered controversy after two Black female professors made international news after calling attention to the monarchy and by extension the Queen’s history of colonial violence.
“I heard the chief monarch of a thieving raping genocidal empire is finally dying,” Carnegie Mellon professor Uju Anya tweeted in a now removed-by-Twitter tweet. “May her pain be excruciating.”
RISD professor Zoe Samudzi also tweeted:
“As the first generation of my family not born in a British colony, I would dance on the graves of every member of the royal family if given the opportunity, especially [Queen Elizabeth II],” RISD
They were far from the only ones calling out the Queen’s legacy; a stadium full of Irish soccer fans gleefully chanted “Lizzie’s in a box,” when they heard the news. And yet the richest man in the world and owner of The Washington Post Jeff Bezos, used his power to single Anya out for her tweet, leading her institution Carnegie Mellon to condemn her in their own Twitter statement.
British tabloid The Daily Mail singled out t both Professors Anya and Samudzi for condemnation in an article, spawning thousands of trolls to harass them, justifying their ire with the notion that death absolves someone of the harm and abuse they committed while they were alive — or at the very least should prompt people to refrain from talking about it.
Death brings an end to someone’s life, but it doesn’t bring an end to the way someone made people feel or their reverberating impact on the world.
Let them tell it, Elizabeth was either a frail old woman with no power or agency as the figurehead of colonial rule for her 72-year-reign, or she was so powerful that she had a hand in decolonizing the countries that were seized by her Empire (and, of course, rebelled and won their independence from her rule without her help).
Aside from the obvious point that death doesn’t erase the things people did while they were alive, mourning is just one of the many ways we continue to express the love that we already feel towards someone. Death brings an end to someone’s life, but it doesn’t bring an end to the way someone made people feel or their reverberating impact on the world.
The racist and misogynist backlash that these Black women have been singled out by the media to receive exposes who monopolizes our empathy and grace in life and in death. In the wake of Elizabeth II's death, hospital appointments, surgeries, funerals, and more have been canceled to "show respect" for her funeral, which matters more than the continuing lives of the people in the UK. Not to mention, the deaths of millions of Black and brown people who lived in British colonies, whose lives were sacrificed for the maintenance of British rule, don’t elicit mass sympathy. There aren’t weeks of televised mourning in their honor. They simply become nebulous collateral, mere casualties in the project to maintain white British hegemony.
A way to ensure that people don't celebrate your death is to live a life that doesn’t bring people endless pain.
In an interview with The Guardian explaining her tweet, professor Anya spoke about the family she lost in the Nigerian civil war, a direct result of British colonizers creating the boundaries of Nigeria and founding it as a colony of Britain. Though the war took place seven years after Nigeria won its independence, the UK government sent money and arms to the Nigerian government for the war against the Igbo people in the south, to maintain its control of the country – the extent of which was only recently revealed in 2020. “‘We lost half of our relatives,” Anya shared. “That’s the legacy of this war. It was a genocide, a slaughter, a holocaust.”
Sometimes love and mourning towards our departed loved ones manifests as anger toward the institutions and figureheads that are responsible for their deaths. A way to ensure that people don't celebrate your death is to live a life that doesn’t bring people endless pain.
Queen Elizabeth II is survived by a legacy of colonialism, imperialism, and white supremacy. She leaves behind decades of bloodshed, violence, and carnage in the name of royalty. Her death ends her life but it doesn’t end the memory of the destruction to come under her reign. Silencing her critics only serves to whitewash the UK’s violent imperialism and colonialism. As Zora Neale Hurston said, “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it." May peace and power be with the ones whose blood was spilled to build the United Kingdom.
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xoNecole's inaugural digital cover star and natural hair icon talks community, Black trauma and what makes her feel loved.
